There’s a hole right through the middle of you, but here’s the thing; the hole is what you are.
“There’s a hole right through the middle of me”, is a common experience and it is the fear of this void; this emptiness that fuels most of our seeking.
Our seeking and our sense of self are the same energy to fill this hole in order to feel whole. However, here’s the thing: the hole is what you are. The hole is whole. This is hole and whole. This is the paradox that ‘I’ can never get. Zero is One. Not two, not nothing or everything, but emptiness that is full of oneness. That is the beautiful paradox that I can’t get because it already is.
Tim was a Secondary School teacher for 29 years teaching PE, Geography and RE. He had always wanted to know ‘the truth’, and was one of those very annoying children who always wanted to know “why?”
He was diagnosed with depression from the age of 20. After each breakdown where his sense of self seemed to be breaking down he tried to use his intellect to put his self back together using a range of self-help, therapy, counselling, and psychology. Anything that seemed to help him to know himself. The culmination of this quest for knowledge and understanding of self was in training to be a counsellor.
To cut a long story short, it became clear that nothing that he did would work. In that recognition everything came to a stop. Work stopped, relationships stopped, motivation to keep up the effort to be Tim stopped. In the stopping he stopped appearing.
Nothing happened, no awakening, no enlightenment, and no liberation. Nothing changed and everything changed. Everything is the same and everything is different when nothing is mine or could possibly be mine. This is total poverty and wealth beyond imagination.